Loved and Lost
by suspend your disbelief
Summary: Kenshin has left Kaoru for the upteenth time. How far will Kaoru go to get him back. And what will happen if her attempts fail?


Bleh...I don't think I can write song fics anymore...I don't think I do them properly.  
  
The song: "Loved And Lost" By S Club.  
  
Disclaimer: Neither the song nor the characters belong to me. The only thing that does belong to me is this not-so-great song fic.  
  
Well, I hope someone likes this...stupid attempt at a song fic. X.X  
  
Perhaps I'm being too hard on myself? After all, it is said a person is their own worse critic....  
  
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{Sometimes it's wrong to walk away, though you think it's over.} Kaoru looked upon his footprints in the dirt leading away from the dojo, with tears streaming down her face. They were Kenshin's footprints, she knew, as she heard him hundreds of feet away, leaving her.  
  
{Knowing there's so much more to say.} "Kenshin.. I'm sorry!" She yelled, though she wasn't loud enough. Sobs were racking through her body, causing her to fall onto the ground, limply.  
  
{Suddenly the moment's gone.} Soon, he was gone, and there was no way to get him back. Like Kyoto, she couldn't stand up to go after him. She thought it was something subconscious. Something in her heart was telling her not to go. That perhaps it was better this way.  
  
{And all your dreams are upside down.} But it wasn't better this way. She missed him already, and he was yet to be even a miles' distance. All of her dreams were crushed. All of her fantasies, silly and unrealistic as they were, were gone. In the blink of an eye. She knew she could now never be his wife. She would never have someone to love.  
  
{And you just wanna change the way the world goes 'round.} "Why does it have to always end up like this?" She asked herself, through sobs. "Why can't I just be happy? Why can't I get what I want, for once?" She didn't stand up. She couldn't. She didn't think she could ever move without feeling empty hearted again.  
  
{Tell me....Have you ever loved and lost somebody?} She had never felt this bad. "No one will ever understand this kind of pain..." She said, the sobs turning to tears. The streamed down her cheeks faster than she could dry them. She didn't even try to. It was no use; it had no purpose. Nothing had a purpose anymore.  
  
{Wish there was a chance to say 'I'm sorry'?} "I am sorry....So incredibly sorry. I would do anything... Anything to have you back...." The tears turned to heavy, hurting sobs once more.  
  
{Can you see? That's the way I feel about you and me.} She began to walk again. She walked more quickly each and every step. She would try and get him back, this time. She would make things right. She wouldn't let him go.  
  
{Have you ever felt your heart was breaking?} She could no longer see his form as she walked. He hadn't even looked behind him to watch her. It looked to her as if...he didn't care. But she cared. She cared about him more than anything else in the world. And she would not let him walk out of her life without a fight.  
  
{Looking down the road you should be taking. } She tried to run after him, but she tripped, falling on the ground once again. She could hear faint steps. "Ken....shin...?" She asked softly.  
  
{I should know. Because I loved and lost the day I let you go.} But there wasn't anyone near her. She had only been hearing things. She had been hoping and wishing for so long that she was imagining things. She felt so helpless without him. She wished that it was only a dream...  
  
{Can't help but think that this is wrong. We should be together.} "Why did he have to leave?" She asked herself. "I apologized. I didn't mean anything I said....So why won't he come home?" She sighed, remembering what everyone said about them.....  
  
{Back in your arms where I belong.}  
  
"Everyone always said we were the perfect match...But why doesn't he feel the same way I do?" She began to cry again, realizing he was too far to go after.  
  
{Suddenly I realize: It was forever that I found.} She began to realize just how much he meant to her. How big a part he played in her life. She couldn't let him walk away. No matter what it took.  
  
"KENSHIN!" She screamed, hoping that she was loud enough.  
  
{I'd give it all away to change the way the world goes 'round.} She'd do anything to have him back. To have everything return to a state of normalcy.  
  
She slowly stood, and walked towards the person in the distance. For every step she took, the person took at least 6. She was that frail and weak. The person, luckily, stopped to rest under a tree.  
  
She found out the person was no more than a weary traveler, though it was not Kenshin. She stopped and stared, wondering what had happened to Kenshin.  
  
"No...No...No...How could this happen?" She asked herself softly.  
  
The man raised an eyebrow at her. "Excuse me?" He asked. The girl was certainly a sight for sore eyes. Even though her eyes were large and puffy, she still looked wonderful in her light blue kimono, and a ribbon in her hair to match,  
  
"You must help me find someone! Please!" She was begging, tears flowing freely from her azure orbs.  
  
"Why should I?" He questioned lazily. It was kind of amusing to watch her carry on like that.  
  
{Tell me....Have you ever loved and lost somebody? Wish there was a chance to say 'I'm sorry'? Can you see? That's the way I feel about you and me. Have you ever felt your heart was breaking? Looking down the road you should be taking. I should know. Because I loved and lost the day I let you go.}  
  
She explained the entire predicament to him. Every last detail: How much she loved him, how he left, what she wanted to say to him. Everything.  
  
The man slowly stood, and pat her shoulder. "It's all right...I think I can help you. You say it's a short swordsman with red hair, right?"  
  
Kaoru decided that the man must be a visitor. If he wasn't afraid to help her find the "Legendary Battousai"  
  
"Yes...yes he is...Please, it's urgent I find him...You don't know how much I love him....And how important he is to me and my...family...." Yes, the inhabitants of her dojo were her family. They had grown close.  
  
The man grinned. "Well, miss, you don't have to tell him. He already heard." He pointed upwards.  
  
Kaoru followed the mans finger, all the way up to... the tree?!  
  
Sure enough, Kenshin was there, his gaze passive, as if he had seen right through her. Just like the time in Hiko's cabin...  
  
"Kenshin...are you angry at me?" She questioned, hoping that he knew the depths of her feelings.  
  
Kenshin's gaze flickered to an unnerving amber tint. "What do you think?" He replied almost instantly, refusing to look at her. His gaze shifted back to their beautiful lavender color, but he still looked angry, and wouldn't look her way.  
  
She sighed, and decided to state her reasonings...right then and there. She was going to pour her heart out to him, whether he wanted to hear it or not.  
  
{I really wanna hear you say that you know just how it feels. To have it all and let it slip away? Can't you see...? Even though the moment's gone, I'm still holding on somehow. Wishing I could change the way the world goes 'round. Tell me....Have you ever loved and lost somebody? Wish there was a chance to say 'I'm sorry'? Can you see? That's the way I feel about you and me. Have you ever felt your heart was breaking? Looking down the road you should be taking. I should know. Because I loved and lost the day I let you go.}  
  
"Kenshin...I'm sorry I yelled...I really am...I want you to know we all want you back at the dojo. I love you, Kenshin, more than anything...."  
  
By then, her cheeks were a dark crimson.  
  
He stared her down, eyes once again amber. "Why do you think my leaving has anything to do with you?" He asked softly. "My world doesn't revolve around you..."  
  
It pained him to say those things to her. He wanted to show her how he truly felt...But it would be so much more difficult to leave her once they were happy together. He wanted her to hate him... therefore; she wouldn't be upset when he left. To make everything successful for everyone involved, he would have to shove his feelings aside. No matter what the cost.  
  
Her large eyes looked to him, full of hurt. "Sorry...You're right...You just seem so angry...I don't want you to be mad at me....I want... I want you to care..."  
  
He smirked, looking down to her. "I don't care for you, Kaoru. Not in that way, anyways. You're like....a little sister..."  
  
She gasped, feeling very idiotic at the moment. "Oh...I see...."  
  
He wanted to kill himself right then and there. He caused Kaoru so much pain at that moment. He could tell. And at the moment he should have been happiest, he felt pain. More pain than ever.  
  
"Kenshin....I'm sure...I'm sure we'll meet again someday. Please...come back to the dojo...sometimes...Please come back home..." She ran off, sobbing.  
  
Kenshin froze. He had just let her leave him. He couldn't go back. He would only hurt everyone again.  
  
Two weeks later, as Kenshin was wandering to yet another destination, and Kaoru was in the market, they both realized something.  
  
Nothing felt the same anymore. Nothing held a reason. "I loved and lost....that day I let you go...." They both said, tears brimming in their eyes.  
  
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Hm...I think I'm loosing whatever meager talent I once had for writing fanfiction....  
  
Anyways, please read and review. Constructive criticism, PLEASE!!!!! 


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